I did it. I braved Black Wednesday. Black Wednesday is very similar to Black Friday, except it takes place on a Wednesday. It also takes place at office supply stores across the city, a non-traditional site for such madness. Not, however, on the second day of school. Our search was for spiral-bound graph paper notebooks, not the perfect dress boot (which I found last week! ha!), but the sentiment was the same. Instead of hearing, “Danny, don’t you think Grandma would like it if you boys bought her these entirely bland bath towels for Christmas?” we heard, “Danny, you never said you needed that! What kind of teacher requires a student to have a fax-o-matic pencil pouch with highlighting erasers?”
And as we finally extricated ourselves from the giant linoleum hell-hole, I saw a little girl with a t-shirt stating:
IF YOU THINK I’M CRAZY, YOU SHOULD MEET MY FRIENDS! (It was in rainbow metallics, too, just in case you want to go buy one.)
I couldn’t help but think: OH HONEY, IF YOU THINK YOUR FRIENDS ARE CRAZY, YOU SHOULD WAIT ANOTHER FIFTEEN YEARS! (My thoughts are also in rainbow metallics, in case you couldn’t tell.)
Here are some of the crazy things my friends or I have done. The girl whose t-shirt was my inspiration probably will not appreciate most of these things, but they are crazy nonetheless. For everyone’s benefit, they also do not include anything illegal, immoral, or intoxicated:
1. Eat three Costco size chili-dogs at 9:30 pm.
2. Walk to class in -12 degree weather in order to turn in a paper. (There were icicles in my NOSE.)
3. Pitch a tent on concrete to get front row seats to a basketball game in mid-February.
4. Create a three-foot tall tower of recycling products within a recycling basket with no bottles touching the ground. (It’s hard. Go try it.)
5. Add a keychain to a lanyard. (Did I mention said keychain consisted of a nail which was surgically removed from this person’s neck after being lodged there by a nail gun? Not laughing now, are you?)
6. Try out for The Bachelor. (No, I don’t know Vienna, so clearly my friend is not the craziest person they’ve ever had on the show. But still, she tried out.)
7. Sing karaoke while wearing a full kangaroo costume, complete with pouch. (And I still stand by my statement that none of these were performed while intoxicated.)
8. Use “preluded” in a sentence. (Ok, maybe I’m the only one who thinks that’s crazy, but I was impressed.)
9. Write a police investigation television series. (I get to be a con artist/love interest. Just wait for my small screne debut.)
10. Cry while watching the Justin Bieber Movie. (Yeah, yeah. The little girl’s friends probably did that too. But it’s crazier when you’re my age.)
11. Pursue three graduate degrees consecutively.
12. Watch the Maury show voluntarily. (Can you blame us? The title was “I’m 19. Is my boyfriend cheating on me…with my mom?!” We had to see how it ended.)
13. Make peanut butter and jelly tacos.
14. Not wear green on St. Patrick’s Day. (I know. It’s almost too much to handle.)
There are plenty of others which do not meet the criteria listed above, and feel free to comment with your own examples! Just wait, little girl with the sparkly t-shirt. You’re in for a very entertaining life…