Santa is Not Your Baby. That’s Just Gross.

Please, dear World, STOP singing “Santa Baby.”

Not only is it catchy and annoying, therefore stuck in my head all day long, but it’s also just really creepy.

Santa is the symbol of childhood delight. He represents wonder, excitement, and the promise that our good deeds do not go unnoticed.

He’s also a very old, very fat man who wears red velvet. What about that scenario is not inappropriate?

Not only is Santa married (Hear that, homewreckers? Married.), but there now seem to be a gazillion versions of this song, so every single one of those singers is trying to get in all cozy with Saint Nick and insinuating that he’s just cheap and easy.

Plus, this week I heard a semi-rap version of the song, and I’m pretty sure homegirl singing it was about 12. Ewww.

If, as another person shared with me, the song is meant to be from a woman talking to her boyfriend in playful banter, then the above statements still apply! Santa is not for seduction!

You know the song “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”? Yeah, that kid caught his mom kissing his dad under the Christmas tree, only his dad was dressed as Santa…and the kid was horrified!

That is how I feel when I hear this song. Horrified and violated. Leave my cheery, mythical figure of goodness alone.

(This is when I would make “Ho, Ho, Ho” jokes, but after this rant, I’m going to leave them up to your imagination.)

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