Unresolved Issues with Inanimate and Uncontrollable Natural Forces…Good Sign

Sometimes, I get angry. It could be because some people just don’t know how to use a four-way stop. It could be because some people don’t understand the concept of “priced as marked.” It could be because I can’t find what I’m looking for in my massive pile of stuff in the garage.

More often than not, it is because of the winter weather.

Oh it’s pretty enough, I know, and I like to look at it in pictures just as much as the next person. I even used to enjoy being outside in it because I felt that there was something magical about the changing seasons and the eternal cycle of life or some crap like that.

Elton John does not sing in the background when it is snowing outside. Do you know who does? Rebecca Black, that’s who. And you wonder why I cover my ears when I go outside…

For some reason not wholly known to me, and related to but not caused by Seasonal Affect Disorder, I hate a great number of weather incidents:

Snow, Slush, Freezing Rain, Overcast Skies, Wind, Wind Gusts, Hail, Frost, Falling Tree Limbs, Wet Hems of My Jeans, Cold Fingertips…

Jack Frost Nipping at my Nose. Who told Jack Frost he could be all up in my business? Hmmm?

When people make that oh so clever pointed statement, “The weather outside is weather,” they’re saying it to me. I take the weather very personally. It is denying me my precious sunshine. It strips the joy from the day’s potential. It is not, strictly speaking, the root of all evil, but it is one of the branches…

This week was definitely no exception. I have always been a proud clothing minimalist while inside my own home. A tank top and cut off sweats is all I need to keep my happy. If I’m cold, I throw a blanket around my shoulders and keep on keepin’ on.

Then a snow/freezing rain/wind storm caused our power to go out.

No television, no radio, no internet, (some Mahjong Titans, while my computer battery lasted, and I got my winning percentage ALMOST to 50%!,) no lights in the bathrooms.

No heat. None.

Not that I’m bitter.

Now that my ordeal is over (although I know people who still haven’t gotten their power back), I have decided to rebel. My old enemy and I are often at odds, so this isn’t a new occurrence. I bring extra shoes with me wherever I go so that I can change out of my snowboots when I get inside. I wear dresses in April, which in my neck of the woods is not exactly “spring” yet. This year, I donated my old snow coat in August and didn’t even bother to search for a replacement in our closet until December. I’ll show that ol’ winter weather who’s boss!– In a way which neither affects the weather patterns even a little bit, nor actually leads to a state of comfort for myself. But it’s a protest, I tell you! I will not be subdued!…

I will not wear socks!

That’s right, that was my resolution. I had to wear at least two pairs of socks the whole time that our power was out, and that’s just unnatural. In the spirit of retaliation, I refuse to wear any socks. At all.

However, this has since been amended to I will not wear socks when I am not at work, because work shoes with no socks on is kinda gross. Then it became I will not wear socks when I am not at work and not wearing my dress boots, because those babies need to stay as beautiful as possible until I can convince a family member to purchase new ones for me. Then it became I will not wear socks when I am not at work, not wearing my dress boots, and not in sweat pants, because who wears sweat pants while not wearing socks?

So, Winter Weather, take that!

I will not wear socks when I am not at work, not wearing my dress boots, not in sweat pants, not drinking tea, not watching television, not working out, not listening to country music, not texting someone, and not cold in any way, shape, or form.

That’ll show it…you betcha…


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