Cheers to Maturity: Things I am not Old Enough to Say

The following is a list of things that my close friends or I have been caught saying. Every time I hear one of them, my right eye starts twitching and I get another wrinkle on my forehead. Cheers to maturity!

  • She      looks like she’s put on a bit of weight…
  • Did      I take all of my pills this morning?
  • I      really need more fiber.
  • I’ll      be right back; I’m going to the store to get some milk.
  • Do      you ever worry about your retirement?
  • Has      she had work done?
  • What      a hussy.
  • When      I was your age…
  • You      mean they’re still not      married?
  • I’m      trying to decide between pantyhose or no pantyhose.
  • Well      that’s encouraging.
  • I’ll      have to check my schedule.
  • Is      that even music?
  • This      drink is too strong. How much liquor did you put in here?
  • That’s      quite the age difference…
  • I can’t; I have jury duty.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go oil my walker.


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