There are a great many things to love in this world. Puffy Cheetoes. Mascara. Joey Cora, former second baseman for the Seattle Mariners. Gluten free toaster waffles. Laughing until you pee your pants. Changing out of the pants you just peed in. Keanu Reeves in Much Ado About Nothing. National Chocolate Cake Day.
I could go on forever.
Some of these loves are fleeting, like the smell of sweet plums on the air in July as you go skipping sweetly down a lane of cherry blossoms. Some of them are constantly rewarding, like listening to karaoke after the entire bar is three rounds and the karaoke DJ plays “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” I have shared some of them with you on this blog, and others I reserve for my in person conversations (you know, just to make sure that you people still actually like having me around). However, there is one love which I have kept quiet for some time.
I can hold it in no longer. It must be shared.
I love Jonah Hill.
He is adorable. He is talented. He is subtle. He is humble. He has impeccable comedic timing. He is the object of my sincerest affection, but not my stalking.
I am a firm believer that Superbad should have won an Oscar for “Best Picture to Initiate a Prudish Teenager to the Awkward Shenanigans of Adulthood.” I actually picked out Snotlout, a character from How to Train Your Dragon who has cleverly constructed a gym in his parents’ basement and believes it will get him girls, as my favorite character before even realizing that Jonah Hill did the voice-over. True love right there. Moneyball was amazing. I’m am STOKED for 21 Jump Street. And now I am his follower on Twitter, which means that when I publish this post, I can tag him in my tweet about it and potentially become his bestest friend ever.
I don’t believe in Fan Clubs, a group of drooling adorers lumped together as a mindless mass of whimpers and dilated pupils of delight.
But every girl needs a shrine, right?
This is mine.
My stories are supposed to have a beginning, middle, and ending. All of the teachers say it, and then in college they tell you the exact opposite. So confusing. Anyway. The beginning of my love saga was several years ago, a slow simmering fire in the depths of my heart.
There can be no ending to this post, for my love is everlasting.
But the middle is this shrine, an amorphous and ever-changing homage to an actor finally being recognized for his supreme talent and charming good looks. It will be my first and perhaps only frequently updated page, intended to reflect the current state of a career poised to make history. When I find an update worthy of his good name, it can be found here.
This post in and of itself is the first of the news. After all, the most important thing that you all and he need to know is that he has my love and devotion. The rest will come later.