I will admit, I have a list of baby names for my future offspring. The names will not be bequeathed any time soon, but nevertheless, they are there on my mental post-it pad. However, my family is, shall we say, rather conservative. My choices for baby names, while not completely outlandish, may not “just tickle” my grandmother’s fancy. (She has never said that phrase in her entire life. And she never will.) After the family shot down one of my mother’s picks for my sister’s name, I have been strategizing for the day when I, too, will have to answer to them.\
So here’s my plan. When (and if) that far off moment occurs and I become pregnant, I am going to gently prepare my family…
By telling them the most atrocious names I can come up with.
There will be some tears, some screaming, and endless merciless mocking over the Easter dinner table. I may be denied jello. It’s going to take an iron will and a stone poker face (which I totally don’t have) to convince my toughest critics that the next member of their family will be fodder for ridicule for as long as he or she shall live. And that I’m totally ok with it.
Then, when New Baby arrives and I reveal his or her actual name, my family will heave a sigh of relief, and I will be a hero!
I am beginning my practice now. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:
- Crescent Wrench
- Czecho Slovakia
- Alice Cooper
- Sanka Durice
- Effie Trinket
- Tom Cruise
- Roy G. Biv
(Actually, Donatello might be in the running. Then my kid will grow up to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. And that would be awesome.)
If you follow me on Twitter (@JillsBrilliant), you know that my last name is Clark. So if I marry a man whose last name is Kent, I will hyphenate my name and become Mrs. Clark-Kent. It should be noted, therefore, that Lois Lane, Peter Parker, and Bruce Wayne (and possibly Robin) are all also in the running.
Lois Lane Clark-Kent. It has a nice ring to it.
What do you think? Anything I missed?