In just under five months, I will be packing up all of the boxes still stashed in my parents’ garage, buying myself a new couch and some antibacterial soap (I just realized this week how often I wash my hands…weird…), and hitting the road to move to the Land of Hippies, also known as Oregon. Oregon…I can’t explain Oregon. You’re going to have to wait until I move there and I have stories to tell you. Because Oregon is just so…Oregon.
Not only will I be moving to the Land of Hippies, but also back to a college town. College towns have a strange ecology of beer soaked students, money grubbing landlords, coffee shops, and the footballs. Lots of footballs. Somewhere in there is the perfect place for me to live. One bedroom, one bathroom. One liberally-countered kitchen. Wood floors and great moldings. Big windows. A really attractive groundskeeper who doesn’t wear a shirt. Ever.
Apartment hunting is a brand of stress all its own. There are listings and applications and viewings and mold tests and indentured servanthoods and a whole lot of time spent on Craigslist that actually has me a little worried about my sanity.
Despite the fact that nothing available right now will be available when I actually move, I have begun my search already. I’m convinced that the right apartment is going to fall in my lap. I might have to give up the moldings and the windows (please God, not the groundskeeper…), but it will be right.
Unfortunately, these aren’t it.
So far, I have found:
A Japanese garden wedding venue with two single apartments on the property. Included in the rent is water, sewage, and garbage. It has easy access to the local bus line and a personal meditation space just down the winding path of tranquility. Tilling space in an organic garden is available upon request.
A farmhouse shared by two guys in their late twenties and early thirties. Included in the rent is water, sewage, and garbage. Easy access to town via your personal bicycle. Pictures of the house and additional information can be provided if you send them a haiku. Tilling space in an organic garden is available upon request.
A studio apartment strongly smelling of cat pee. Included in the rent is water, sewage, garbage, and really slow internet, as well as neighbors who play Rock Band at 4 am. Easy access to campus via your own feet, you lazy ass. The bathroom doubles as an office, and the windowsill can be used as a built-in bar. Tilling space in an organic garden is available upon request.
A one bedroom unit with everything a single woman could ever want for the perfect leasing price. In a town ten miles away. Tilling space in an organic garden is available upon request.
A single apartment owned by a Mennonite family. I have nothing bad to say about this one because I really want to live here, and the woman I spoke to on the phone said she’d pray for me to find the right place. That basically sealed the deal for me, because she sounded like the type of woman God listens to. And I didn’t ask, but I have a feeling that tilling space in an organic garden is available upon request.
I’ll keep y’all updated on what comes my way. In the mean time, I’m gonna go buy me a garden trowel…