Posted in May 2012

Well Hey There, Mr. Pissy Pants

Leo Tolstoy once said that happy people are boring and also really obnoxious and unhappy people are way more interesting because there are like a million different ways to be unhappy. Or something like that. So now we’re going to play a game called “Let’s Guess Why This Guy’s Pissed.” My friends and I went … Continue reading

Damn It Feels Good To Be A Hipster

To tell you the truth, I’m not entirely sure what constitutes a hipster. I think that they really like flannel and glasses with no lenses. I also think that I sometimes dress like them because I can’t actually tell if they’re being serious or “ironic.” (Did you like the quotation marks? Now you can’t tell … Continue reading

She Loves You, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

I’ve been avoiding writing this post for a few weeks because I’m not sure that it’s going to be funny. Don’t worry, you’re going to laugh. You’re just going to laugh at me instead of with me. Well, I’ll laugh with you at the beginning, but at the end I’m going to get a little … Continue reading

Jenkies! It’s a Mystery!

There was some minor excitement at my house on Tuesday afternoon. Our sliding glass door has shattered into literally one bajillion pieces. I know that it is one bajillion because obviously I decide what that number denotes, given my name. This wouldn’t be such a surprise, given that we have a large, rambunctious dog, teenage neighbors … Continue reading

This Is What I Should Have Said

Remember when a lady told me she wanted to have my babies? And then when a man wanted to be my investment banker slash pimp slash sugar daddy? Yep, it’s happened again. This week, a customer came into my place of work and told me she wants to get me an interview at The Container Store. It was kindly … Continue reading

A Woman Scorned

Linguistics 101! (This is in my teaching voice, which I haven’t actually developed yet because right now I only teach middle schoolers and the best way to earn their respect is to use the phrase “this sucks” the first time I meet them. Which happens to be one of my favorite phrases, so I took … Continue reading

Stupidity and the Keg

The Young Female Professional (YFP) is one of the Greatest People I Have Maybe Met– bloggers that I read and interact with constantly– and a particular favorite of mine because she’s funny, gives practical professional advice, and is completely sympathetic to my dating woes. We knew we had each found a kindred spirit when we both … Continue reading

Going Postal…FTW?

I quit my job last weekend. Well, I quit one of my jobs. And by “quit,” I actually mean “gave notice,” and that notice is for another month down the road, so it was actually a little anticlimactic. But it doesn’t matter, because the year of blood, sweat, and tears that I have put into … Continue reading