Stupidity and the Keg

The Young Female Professional (YFP) is one of the Greatest People I Have Maybe Met– bloggers that I read and interact with constantly– and a particular favorite of mine because she’s funny, gives practical professional advice, and is completely sympathetic to my dating woes. We knew we had each found a kindred spirit when we both started messaging each other about romance “intrigues” that the other would find amusing. Or just sad.

I guest posted for her a few weeks ago, and she is returning the favor today!

What would college be without that legendary party? If there were no “that one time we lost Marsha” or “remember when we went to the bar in -11 degrees”? (No, we never lost Marsha. I don’t know what you’re talking about…) That’s why YFP and her friends started their college careers off right. Or not…


I have come to the conclusion, if Jillian and I ever went out for a girl’s night, we would seriously raise some hell. We don’t hold back, and we tell it like it is (probably why we enjoy reading each other’s blog). We both have ridiculous stories that people find it hard to believe that these situations actually have happened. I keep telling people when they ask me if these stories are real,

“I have enough on my plate. Do you think I have the spare time to make these things up?”

I wanted to write a really great story for Jillian’s guest post, because she wrote a fabulous hysterical one for me (if you haven’t read it yet, click

So I thought…and I thought…and I thought…which story out of my extensive collection would be perfect for Jill’s blog?

It then dawned on me; why not write about an infamous college story (since she wrote about her college experiences too).

So without further ado…


Stupidity and the Keg

The college I went to was a “wet” campus, which meant we were allowed to have alcohol in our dorms/rooms if you were of age. Which was pretty awesome, and possibly one of the many reasons why I decided to go there. The only two dorms that were “dry” were the freshman dorms. It made perfect sense, because everyone was 18-19 years old that lived there. We weren’t allowed to have co-ed sleep overs either…but that didn’t stop many of us.

Now the guy I was dating freshman year of college, Bill, had a first floor room on the side of the building (which made it epically convenient to sneak in and out of). We dated the whole second half of freshman year, and since our college was so small, you wouldn’t see one without the other. Which now at 27, would make me vomit.

It was toward the end of the semester, and Bill and his roommate Dave had a brainstorm one night in his room.

“I bet we could fit a keg through that window,” said Dave.

“You know what, we might be able to. Maybe a half keg, not a full one,” replied Bill.

The next day at lunch Bill disclosed to me what their plot was. I stared at him and said,

“A. You’re crazy. B. Pretty sure security will notice you bringing a keg into the dorm, and C. Again, you’re crazy.”

“Don’t worry YFP. We have a plan.”

It was quite a doozy of a plan. They would ask one of their upperclassmen friends to purchase the keg. Then at 3am, when everyone was mostly asleep, they would sneak the keg in through the window. Have their kegger then sneak it back out at the crack of dawn. The even had a backup plan if they were going to get caught. Regardless, I was still not a fan of this plan.

“Then don’t come to my room that night if you don’t want to,” he replied as we went off to class.

As you can imagine, that did not sit well with the 19 year old YFP.

The guys snuck their keg into the room early Friday morning. I was off to my first class at 10am (I enjoyed sleeping in), and one of the dance majors, who I talked to on the occasion, came up to me and said,

“Did you hear about Bill and Dave’s kegger?”


“Oh yeah…”

“Are you going? I can’t believe they snuck it in!”

“Probably not. I haven’t been feeling too well.”

Of course I wasn’t feeling well! It was 10am and I was already hearing about it! By lunchtime we had people we never met stopping by our lunch table asking us when it was starting and if they could stop by to see it. I could feel my heart dropping into my stomach. We had RA’s in the guy’s dorm that were very cool, but weren’t cool enough to let a keg slip by.

After my classes, I stopped by their room to see the infamous, silver celebrity. It was impressive. Sitting on its huge red bucket throne, surrounded by diamonds of ice, it was anxiously waiting to get tapped. I had to hand it to them, they at least got it into the room…hopefully they could get it out.

“You know, we’re going to get caught tonight,” said Bill. “If you don’t want to get caught, I’d suggest hanging out in your dorm for the night.”

I knew he was right, but the 19 year old YFP was devastated. Mostly because I knew he was going to get caught, and get kicked off campus. I knew my parents would kill me if I got kicked off campus; so clearly, I did what any girl would do…

I stayed in bed, watching MTV (this was before Jersey Shore…so clearly things weren’t that big of a train wreck yet), and crying. Again, it was the ugly cry. I knew they were going to get caught and it was only a matter of time until that happened. My girlfriends continued to stop by the room to see how I was doing and if I wanted to do something to get me out of my tragic mood, but I was not moving.

Then around 2am, Bill AIMed me (again, this ages me).

Bill: We got caught.

YFP: Oh no! What happened?

(Again, this was not the sarcastic me. This was the I-was-crying-all-night-dead-serious YFP).

Bill: I’ll be over in a little bit to fill you in.

Basically, they didn’t get caught for the keg. They got caught for the noise. They were so loud in their room, that the RA had to come in (I have a feeling that the RA knew the keg was in there, but he needed a solid reason to go in and bust them).

That week, after they met with the Residence Life Director and to our “surprise” the guys would not be allowed to live on campus after this current semester. I was so upset, I even went in to try to reason with the ResLife director, but she was having nothing of that.

As heart-broken as I was about the entire situation, the guys became legends at our school. Not one freshman in their mind would try to sneak in a keg into the freshman dorm. I graduated five years ago, and current students STILL talk about it. It’s funny to tell the current students with the glossy, wide eyes, that I was dating one of the legends at that time.

YFP Lesson: Being sneaky is one thing, and being smart is another. Sometimes being sneaky doesn’t always mean you’re being smart, (and vice versa.)


7 thoughts on “Stupidity and the Keg

  1. You’re so sweet Jillian! Thank you for the compliments! I loved writing this story for you! Looking forward to reading your story about your high school sweetheart 🙂

  2. As a once freshman turned RA my Senior year (hey housing was expensive!) I always took it easy on my kids. It did NOT help that they put coed freshman in my house because the dorms were overflowing so I had crazy freshman on the upperclassman house row. Yeah…FML. Ugh. What I thought was going to be an all girls upperclassman house turned into a house with freshman men’s lacrosse upstairs and a bunch of whores downstairs. It was…interesting. I became the popular one at lunch/social functions because my stories were epic. Freshman are incredibly stupid…hilariously entertaining but VERY stupid.

    …and thus my guest post for you has been born! hehehe.

    • I’m going to be teaching freshmen in the fall! I’ll only be with them a few hours a week, but I really can’t wait to have some ghastly stories to share 🙂

  3. Of course they were legends. Anyone that defies the rules becomes legends. Just ask some of the guys I dated. They’ll tell you I was absolutely a legend to them, hahaha
    BTW, great post ladies…

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