Posted in August 2012

Just Leave The Cow In The Bathroom

Happy 100 posts, people! The past 99 posts have been very enlightening. I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into when I started. Now I’m hooked. You hear that, readers? You’re like crack. I don’t even know what crack is like. But I know that you are like it. The time is … Continue reading

If You Give A Mormon A Mustache

The secret to a well-executed bachelorette party is all in the preparation. First, prepare a theme for the night. Say, mustaches. Second, accumulate as many mustache-related articles as possible. Mustache t-shirts. Mustache toothpicks. Play-dough¬†for “Pin the Mustache on the Groom.” Mustache mad libs. Mustache themed-drinks (no hair involved). And of course, a mustache scavenger hunt. … Continue reading

Meet Craig

“I’m totally the quietest person in the sixth grade. Everyone knows this. The teachers know it, the students know it, my parents know it. But then there’s this teacher, and she totally despises me. I have no idea why. Like, it’s not like I did anything wrong. I’m just sitting there in my corner and … Continue reading

Fritz and Cookies

Due to the poor decisions of our overseas brethren¬†(Read: A strategic, government endorsed genocide and eugenics program of atrocity), German-Americans rarely announce our heritage. We eat a lot of sausage. We spell October with a “k” when the occasion presents itself. We have a genetic predisposition to like beer. We also race wiener dogs. Well, … Continue reading