Meet Craig

“I’m totally the quietest person in the sixth grade. Everyone knows this. The teachers know it, the students know it, my parents know it. But then there’s this teacher, and she totally despises me. I have no idea why. Like, it’s not like I did anything wrong. I’m just sitting there in my corner and someone else will be talking and she’ll just give me this glare and tell me to be quiet. I didn’t even say anything! And she liked to give me F’s for no reason. Like, I started just walking out and going to the principal’s office, and then the people in the office, cuz there was like always three or four of them, would look over my work and if they thought that I didn’t deserve and F then they’d give me a better grade because that teacher despised me and I don’t even know why. I’m so quiet!

“I don’t even tell my sister what’s going on, because she’s super annoying. Like this one time, my dog Buster– we had to put her down last year– she ate all of my sister’s chocolate. You know how dogs are supposed to die if they eat chocolate? Well Buster would eat all of my sister’s chocolate and leave all of the wrappers in her room. But Buster was like the smartest dog in the world. One time, I came home after Halloween, and Buster had separated all of my candy in my room. Like, the gummy worms were over here, and the Runts were over there, and then right there in the middle of the carpet was the wrappers from the chocolate! My mom– This was before my parents got divorced. It’s still kinda hard, cuz, like, it’s been two years but they don’t live close and, like, my dad doesn’t even care if I get a B because he knows I tried my hardest and my mom’s all like ‘You should have tried harder!’– my mom thought that Buster was going to get super sick, but I said that she was super smart because she even knew that those were the kind that I didn’t even really want! I was like, ‘But mom! There’s a big pile of gummy worms right of there, so I don’t even care!’

“You know what else I really like? Brownies. Brownies are so good. That’s why I got this brownie drink from Starbucks today. I’m super picky about my food. Like, if you give me brownies, I’ll cut out the exact piece that I want. Like, if you gave me a corner piece, I’d cut like just the corner that wasn’t crispy and eat that. It’s so good. I can’t even describe it. I’m so glad I got this brownie thing from Starbucks. We went to the one in Safeway. I love Safeway. It’s like the friendliest place ever. They ask you if you have a Safeway card, and then you say ‘Yes! Let me go get it!’, and they let you use it. Or if you don’t have one, they let you use theirs. I think I’d live at Safeway if I could. You’d have everything you need, even Starbucks.

“Are there Safeways everywhere? I hope there’s one where I go to college. I already know where I want to go to college. Across the state, but not across the country. But if I did go across the country, I’d go to Clemson. But I couldn’t tell my family because my dad is from Georgia, so I already know that they’d be super mad. And then what? Like, Christmas would be super awkward.

“Christmas is my favorite holiday. You know what holiday I hate? April Fools’ Day. Not because I don’t like being scared, but because of what happened that day. That was the day we had to put our dog down. Her name was Buster, and she really liked to eat chocolate. Did I tell you that already? That was a really hard day. People tried to pull pranks on me, but I just sat there with my head down.

“I don’t even know how to pull pranks. One time, on April Fools’ Day, my sister told me that I was running late and so she would make me a sandwich. She put tartar sauce on it instead of mayonnaise. I didn’t look at the clock so I didn’t actually know if I was late or not. So when I got to school, I took one bite, and it tasted funny. Then I took another bite, and then I asked my teacher to look at it. He told me it was tartar sauce, not mayonnaise. It was pretty gross, actually. Maybe I’ll do something like that. Tartar sauce is kinda weird. But I don’t even really like mayonnaise, except on sandwiches. What else do you put mayonnaise on?

“I don’t ask questions in class. I don’t even like reading or math; I’m not very good at either of them. I just can’t think that way. I like sports better. And science, but not this last year because that teacher hates me. I don’t even know why. I’m the quietest person in the sixth grade. Everyone knows that.”


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